kitsch

"Today’s Church is like an insecure teenager. A teen struggling with self-image has no idea who he or she is and ends up morphing into a different person with each passing crowd, becoming like whoever happens to be closest at the time.”
-Brian Habig & Les Newsom

Madre and I have been talking shop lately. When I say 'shop', in the context of my mother, it always means the Church or Christian liberty. Nothing else. Lately, it has been the Church. What is the overall function of the Church? What constitutes a member pulling out of a congregation? What is the most important aspect of ministry? These are just a few things that keep being brought up. I bought her Habig and Newsom's book, The Enduring Community, while I was at R.U.F's summer conference last week and it has been an excellent host for discussion.

If any of you (who are more than likely not reading this. I pretty much use this thing as an excuse to think aloud and breath mentally) have known me for any amount of time, you've probably heard me say, "I love the Church. The Church is where I feel most alive." in a very gutsy, passionate moment. Yes, this is me -to the core. Now, you can find me even more often complaining about churches and how religious they are and how stuffy and cultural it's become, but to my core being, I love the church. I hope this is one of those things that is here to stay. I don't want to be the mom that skips church because her kids are better off learning the Bible at home, or one of those wives that gets angry at church politics and listens to sermons online while her husbers attends. Nope. I refuse to even imagine. Well, it's kind of hard to imagine me married and being a preggers but that's a whole other thought process...

I want to be that lady who is decrepit and basically blind who goes to church whenever she possibly can. Maybe I'll change my name to Breezy. That sounds like an old lady name. Maybe little girls and teenage boys will know me and maybe I can attend old people Bible study and mentor young mommies. Or old mommies. And maybe I will sing worship songs that are probably obnoxious and too young for me at the top of my lungs, just because God is big. I want to be with my church until I croak, leading the way while being led. Wow. That makes aging seem worthwhile right now. There's something so great about the thought of showing someone how glorious it is to die. But so often it's easy to shut the elderly members of our congregations and compartmentalize members so we don't get to glean from the old or young. That is something God has definitely been pressing on me lately.

And it's hard being home and back at your home church and not quite fitting back in perfectly. It's like being on of those little green puzzle pieces from a 2500 piece garden scene that doesn't really fit the other piece but if you mash it just right, it kind of works, even though you know better. Honestly, I like this feeling. I have had so many struggles while being away from home that God -in His complete kindness- decided to give me a church that I have fallen in love with. It's hard not to compare being at home. It's actually been really hard to leave for the summer. It's definitely one of the main things I have missed since returning from John Brown. And that, I think, is cause for thanks. I keep learning that God is crazy about a whorish society, under his means of grace, that we like to call the Church. And I'm almost proud to be a part of it.

Almost.

As Jon Foreman tells it,

"We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound"

And all of God's children said
Amen.

I'm home.

I don't think it will sink in that I'm not leaving soon for a while. It's good to be with the family. Tonight was chill. We unpacked, watched Home Improvement and The Incredibles, chatted, played catch with Henry, made pancakes, and admired our newest summer addition: Shakira. Shakira is a male beta fish whose owner will be in Ireland next week. So he's staying with us.

Goodbyes were wretchedness. Finn and Ally won't be coming back in the fall, and that is sad. I have been so blessed to know them, especially Finneas. I'm glad me and Roommate are going to the beach together next week, otherwise I would have burst into tears saying goodbye. I love that kid so much. Gah. God has not only given me a fantastic roommate, but an incredible friend. If you're around us at all, you know we hang out literally, at times, 24/7. Seniors graduate. You'd think that wouldn't mean much to a freshman but there are some freaking amazing seniors at JBU that have been so kind and a friend -I will truly miss many of them. I also had to say goodbye to my Sunday school class. While I will resume teaching in the fall, I won't have the same kids. My kids are hilarious and have given me the strength many weeks to keep sloshing through school. I don't have pictures of them either! Arg. I hate how these things happen. Anyway, although you probably will never read this, to Donte, Harrison, Nathan, Teague, Charity, Elliot, Alex, Erica, and Nora: I love you all. Your outlook on life presses me on to find God in the littlest things. You have definitely taught me a thing or two this semester. And whoever started the trend of calling me "stinky cheese" ...sigh.

Well, let's see. It's late, but I don't really feel like going to bed. ...but I should. So I will.
Here's to a lovely summer under the roof of these two:

[For realz: this is priceless. They probably would kill me if they knew this was on here. Baha]